[ad#250×250 Box Mindset and Mentality]
Hold On or Let Go?
“To pursue or to give up? To hold on or to let go?” These questions often cross our minds numerous times in our lifetime. To be honest, I cannot give you the answers to these questions. However, I can provide some insight and ideas to guide you in the right direction.
These issues can be just inconsequential or of great importance. Examples include:
• dealing with relationship issues,
• career-related decisions,
• investment-related opportunities,
• buying and selling of certain assets,
• migrating to a new place,
• lifestyle adjustments such as those relating to health,
• having children,
• adopting,
• commitments,
• and many others.
Any time in life that you are given an option, it can be perceived as an opportunity or threat. This is basically a matter of smart decision-making. First off, you are going to have to balance out your costs/benefits and pros/cons.
Let’s pick one of the scenarios above, how about debating whether to stay with a company or look for better opportunities? By staying with your current employer, you probably are more comfortable, relaxed, and familiar with how the company functions and performs. You could stay where you are and maybe potentially ask for a raise. Let’s imagine the possibilities of leaving the company to get a new job or enroll to advance yourself in higher education. This new career path could prove to be the best or worst decision you have ever made in your life. You could complete graduate studies and still have trouble looking for work or maybe find another job that you are not satisfied with. On the other hand, there’s the possibility of finding a high paying dream job that you truly enjoy. The outcomes are unpredictable; I cannot tell the future. If I knew the outcomes, I would answer the first two questions for you!
Another thing to keep in mind is, if you decide to stay with your company, would you be content with your decision and not ponder back and forth of the possible outcomes? In doing so, you are letting this issue eat you up inside out and making matters worse prior to this outlook. If that’s the case, you should just pursue your interests wholeheartedly and look forward to the opportunities. There’s no reason to dream of the possibilities and not act on them; that’s as bad as moping and wallowing in the past! It just makes you feel unworthy, vulnerable, and miserable. These moments of wondering are just different forms of fear and insecurity.
Let’s take a step back and look at another issue. I would like to emphasize more on the relationship issue since it is very common. In this kind of situation, we tend to think more emotionally than logically. Often times, we are blinded in our priorities and we feel that he/she is ‘The One’ and we will lose him/her if we do not continue to pursue. Whether the desire and intent is to win them back, prove something to ourselves or them, or nostalgia for past events, we tend to be persistent in our pursuit. When we don’t pursue him/her, sometimes we tend to find another person to fill our void of being alone and secure. I have been in the situation before and honestly, it’s filled with constant pain and suffering. All these thoughts and feelings stored inside our chest, we can literally feel it about to burst and explode. Everyone that we seek advice from seems worthless; we feel that none of them truly understand our situation and how much it means to us. We mope and ponder for awhile; eventually realize the need to gain ‘closure’. Even when closure is given, many of us may deny the accusations as being factual.
As we have realized, the relationship issue is a much more complex and peculiar situation that involves a clouded mindset, emotional anxiety, fear, insecurity, and denial as well. Upon reaching a state of clear mindset, I have a different take on the relationship issue. Often times, we don’t even know if we love him/her, we’re in love, infatuated, or in lust. I feel that it is misplaced priorities and misguided aspirations that have caused us to act the way we do. Obviously, he/she does not share the same feelings as we do and if they did, something has caused them to be indifferent. We may have made a mistake or his/her feelings have changed. If a mistake was made on our part, we could apologize and make matters better. If he/she chooses not to accept, we have done our part and it’s time we give him/her time to think about it. As human beings, we are constantly changing and evolving. ‘The One’, our soul mate, and what we seek are constantly transforming as well. To me, this is an opportunity for us to find someone that suits us better. There are many fishes in the sea; we are facing overpopulation as we speak!
Letting go can be another issue for some of us. Many of us facing the relationship issue will feel that life is meaningless, pointless, and empty without him/her. Did we find him/her and lost ourselves in the process? It can be like suddenly losing direction and motivation in life. The simplest things in life can suddenly feel so foreign. The key is to look at your environment and everything that you have achieved up until this point. Define what makes you who you are, whether it’s your personality, attitude, hobbies, interests, passions, and other characteristics. There were probably happy times in your past. You should look at those moments and see how you can incorporate them into your present. What ever happened has happened; it’s time to live in the now!
The fact is all these issues, even relationships, deal with smart decision-making. To be successful in decision-making would require clear, unbiased opinions. Step outside and look at your situation from a third person point of view. Sometimes that’s not enough and we should consult with others for insight and advice. Devise a list of costs/benefits and pros/cons. Figure out the potential outcomes and from there you can decide if you want to pursue or completely eliminate it from your mindset.
I hope this helps on your journey through this beautiful life!
The ideal ego would go on a head on collision course onto becoming the best at what it does whether resulting in victory or crash and burn. Most times what you think is ideal isn’t what’s real. That’s why sometimes people call their ideal job their dream job. Almost like an illusion or figment of their imagination, selling themselves short. Whether to hold on or let go, the questions behind that question would be how much stamina do you have, how much pain can you possibly take, and how F’in bad do you want it. If you hold on, then apparently you didn’t want it that bad. Be strong. Be true to yourself. The only idol you should have is your ideal self. Your idol shouldn’t be a rock star or movie star, or any star. Your idol should be your ideal self. Look up to this ideal person and you will know whether to hold on or let go. Stay true to yourself. Now think about how close is the pathway to you and your ideal self. Are you the type to hold on or let go? As Taney said, I too cannot give you the answers to these questions. As vast as your dreams are, you still have to wake up everyday and look yourself in the mirror and accept who you are. Take a good look at yourself, you are the answer to your questions because at the end of the day its your life, not ours.
Very well written !
@Raymond:
Thanks soo much for another insightful comment! Your distinction of ‘ideal’ and ‘real’ makes great sense. I like to think of it as being realistic or wishful thinking. It’s nice to have positive outlooks in life, but there’s always a line you have to draw. There’s pessimists, realists, optimists, and wishful thinkers. Like everything else in life, it’s always beneficial to reach some sort of middle ground. I’m an optimistic person myself and it might work for me, but not others. I believe that you should always try to make yourself feel good in this world, which helps you through the rough and smooth transitions in life. You should also try to stay practical and true to yourself.
I totally agree with you on being your ideal self; taking steps to becoming a better ‘you’.
Thanks again for dropping by! I always enjoy your insights and perspectives!
@Supernet33:
Thank You Steve!
Well, would you agree that deciding to ” let go” is the same as giving up? I personally think you should never let go. Never let go and never, never, give up ( Winston Churchill ). Unless you know darn well that you’ve gave it 110%.
How well you live your life when your an aged man/women, is determined by the decisions you’ve made in life. When I’m of age, it certainly is a very liberating feeling to be able to sit on my rocking chair and reflect on my life and to truly experience bliss. That’s why I think it’s crucial for you to constantly revisit the decisions you’ve made in life and to make sure that it was a great one.
I also wanted to comment that, often times people are just flat out impractical and indecisive about careers, relationships, family, investments. That’s what contributed to our sub-prime mess right? Hence, taking on mortgage they cannot afford. I struggle w/ this weakness quite often. And I’m trying to put the blame on my(our) upbringing. It almost seems like everything is at our fingertips, we have too many options. We feel the confidence to pursue everything and achieve anything. We, the generation Y specifically, are overly ambitious and overly demanding and incredibly spoiled. Agree Taney? We are going to be a generation of mediocracy Taney!!!
Btw, job security is a thing of the past. When presented w/ a new job offer, you TAKE IT and RUN! ( I work in finance, it’s brutal out there nowadays ) =)
@Nancy:
“Letting go” can be considered a form of giving up, but sometimes it can be considered gaining the strength and confidence to achieve even greater things! I’m not the type of person to be giving up at it. I’m usually very persistent, but you have to understand that in certain situations, it can be a downfall. You have to weigh in all the pros and cons. I agree in being persistent and working to chase your dreams, but keep in mind that it’s not always about working hard, but more about working smart. You cannot get blinded when the right opportunities come.
I was talking to my mom about how to be more powerful and successful as you age. To me, I know that if you are able to utilize and be aware of your strengths and weaknesses as you age, you will become unstoppable. I know as we age, we become slower and lose our youthful physique, but we build wisdom, knowledge, and life experiences that we’re able to integrate into our daily lives, which leads to less stress, more joy and freedom, and sometimes even more excitement. Majority of the time that we become angry, hurt, mad, annoyed, and sad is due to how someone responded to us with certain words or phrases but it’s rarely any physical harm. They are not causing these feelings and emotions but rather our conditioned responses to these words and this can be changed. Once you’re able to work with that, you will be almost unstoppable! On the playground, we learned the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words never will!” When we are able to live by the saying again. We won’t hurt ourselves anymore, but the one’s trying to hurt us will get hurt! Think about that one! (=
I agree that our generation may have its flaws, but that doesn’t mean I have to be like them and quite frankly, everyone has flaws. The question is: Are we going to change and correct these flaws?
I think it can be a tough world, but it doesn’t have to be as bad as it’s portrayed. With the right attitude, mindset, and network the view of the job market changes. I’m still working at it and I’m not giving up! (;
I agree with smart decision. But oftentimes, I do find it hard to detach myself from the situation and see it from a third person view. I need to practice to develop this kind of approach because I know it’s benefits. Right know I’m half way, emotions really come in the way; still, I do my best. 🙂